Love Affair

You pay attention closely. It’s new and beautiful and you don’t want to miss a thing. Every moment: the swift urgency, the patient calm, you absorb it all, nothing else matters – when you’re in love you pay attention to everything. You soak it up and pack away the tiny moments in your mind to be pulled out later, to be rehashed, remembered, and analyzed. In the beginning it is all interesting, and if you’re lucky – if you find your true love, that new feeling will continually revisit you after waves of stagnant plateaus, or angry bouts. You aim to please and give it everything you’ve got, like a sprinter taking off from the blocks, full of strength and energy and enthusiasm. Eventually things will slow down, habits will form, patterns will settle in, but in the beginning you burn with desire and can never get enough.

Food.

I love it.

Everyone loves food, but I have found, late in my life, a new relationship with food and my body. One that brings happiness and satisfaction in a variety of ways. In my early relationships I focused on what I thought would make me happy, I had expectations and set out to find food to satisfy them. Often times this led to regrets and unhealthy choices (and if I’m honest this statement could probably apply to my love life as well!). Instead of listening to my body, I made choices based on cravings and wants. Now I listen to my body and have developed a healthy relationship with both it, and the fuel I feed it with.

My love affair with food began as most new relationships do, with a stage of curious wonder. After beginning Crossfit I was introduced to the Paleo lifestyle. I was interested in trying it out for performance’s sake – as a competitive addict, I was willing to do anything to get an advantage, so I dived in full force. I cleaned out all of my cupboards, researched a bunch of recipes, shopped for Paleo staples and began the learning process. Like a new lover, I was ready to go and acting hastily based on my intense feelings. I went out too strong and found myself lost in the kitchen, in the grocery store, and in my macros. It took awhile to dial it all in, and throughout the process I learned many valuable lessons.

Now, I’m not a scientist, a doctor, or an expert by any means, but I am a dedicated, committed lover. I have paid close attention to every detail of every bite of my food and the reactions my body had to it. Like a new lover I was absorbed in the process of eating healthy and pushing my body to its limits by carefully observing everything. After two years I have settled into comfortable patterns and habits, but I still haven’t lost that new love feeling. That’s how I know this is true love and I’d like to share with you what it has taught me. As we all know, the best relationships are the ones that bring out the best in ourselves.

Lesson – Cravings

In the past, my relationship with food left me with intense cravings and I would often find myself devouring a bag of chips, like literally an entire family sized bag of chips, or cookies. Afterwards I’d not only feel guilty, but my body would crash and I would feel unhealthy (again, not unlike many of my relationship choices with men in my early years…). Though it was never worth it, I continued to do it for years. I thought it was a sign of some moral weakness or character flaw, but after discovering healthy eating and paying attention to my body I’ve learned there are two types of cravings and once you know this, you can manage it. There was nothing wrong with me, I was just letting the wrong type of craving lead me.

The first type of craving is what I call a “tongue craving”. This is when you want something simply for the taste of it – for me I find that in the middle of the afternoon I crave the warm, bitter taste of tea on my tongue, and at the end of my longest days I want the sweet taste of chocolate. These cravings originate out of a need for pleasure and are fine in moderation. In my previous relationship with food, I let these cravings rule my world and it led to poor health because tongue cravings don’t honor what the body needs. There is science behind your insulin response and metabolic reactions to consuming processed, grain-filled foods, but again I’m not a scientist, just an intense lover. I encourage you to research the myriad information out there on your own because part of a new love affair involves getting to know your partner. (Here are some resources if you’re interested: Guide to Paleo for Beginners, Wheat Belly, the Godfather of Paleo – Loren Cordain).

Though tongue cravings don’t honor what the body needs, “body cravings” do. After you begin, and spend some time on your journey into healthy eating, you’ll become more in tune with your body. By paying close attention to what I eat and how it makes me feel, I’ve developed the ability to listen to my body. When it needs something it tells me and I don’t deny it what it wants (I’m a self-sacrificing lover). This is great because I feel satisfied and don’t have to restrict myself. Rather than feeling guilty for giving in to my cravings, if I understand they come from a need within me, I can indulge in them happily. For me, after intense conditioning I crave salty foods, and because I treat my body as a machine that requires high quality food (think 110 octane, not regular pump gas) I choose to have a sweet potato with sea salt and cinnamon, or a bag of Terra Sweet Potato Chips – yes, I still devour the whole bag as I did in my previous relationship, but now it’s a source of joy and satisfaction rather than guilt and disgust.

Lesson – Performance and Recovery

When you’re working hard, lifting and preparing for competition six days a week, your body takes a beating! I often get the question, “How do you do it all?” I am a single mother, full-time teacher, track coach, adventure enthusiast (seriously, I love random journeys and those things take time), motocross racer, and I train between 7 to 10 hour a week for competitive Crossfit. That level of activity takes a miracle, and I find that natural foods are it. If I eat clean and avoid gluten, processed sugars, and boxed foods I can do it all without fatigue or being tired. And eggs. That’s my other secret, eggs everyday keep me ready to play.

I log my food on and off and I log my workouts daily. As a result, over the past two years I’ve noticed some patterns. Resoundingly, my food intake has a direct impact on my performance and recovery. I cannot stress enough the importance of what you eat for doing well. Now, food isn’t everything, I also see similar patterns related to sleep, consumption of fish oil, and mobility, but food is the primary miracle maker.

Lesson – Keeping Ahead of Yourself

Now food is important to maintaining performance and recovery, but with a grown-up life and schedule, it’s difficult to keep it clean on short time frames and busy schedules. Another thing I’ve learned on my journey is to stay ahead of myself and to constantly reflect on my progress. I have to stay in touch with my relationship so I don’t accidentally slip and let it slide to the back burner of life’s priorities.

Whenever I’m listening to my body and it starts to tell me it’s not happy through fatigue, soreness, or a drop in performance, my first step is to log my food for 3-5 days. I’m typically lazy about it so I don’t write down quantities or types of calories I’m consuming, just what I’m eating. Usually what I find is that I’ve decreased the amount of veggies I’m eating. There is a ton of research and information about the health benefits of eating vegetables, but like a lover I base my decision on my feelings. I think with my stomach and not my brain.

To help remedy this I plan ahead. Every Sunday I make my breakfasts for the week so I can grab and go in the morning and I use this same mentality for veggies. I split my cauliflower, carrots, celery, cucumbers, broccoli, and other vegetables into snack sized portions for the entire week so I can grab them quickly and keep my body fed properly. I like to mix it up too, so I’m not always grabbing the same types of veggies. You know what they say… variety is the spice of life.

(I also eat organic baby food, I know it’s weird, and trust me, I get a lot of funny looks, but it comes in pouches that require no utensils and no refrigeration. Plus, it’s all natural, so it is a very convenient source of fuel).

Lesson – Experimentation and Being Open to New Things

Speaking of variety… I used to fall for the same type (both food and men…) regardless of the fact that it never worked out. You can’t stick to a healthy relationship if it isn’t interesting, fun and deeply satisfying. I found that after I began to get comfortable with my new food choices, I began to experiment with them -this was the best thing that ever happened to my relationship with food.

I learned how to use spices in different ways (like adding a dash of chili powder and cinnamon to anything I cook with ground beef – try it and thank me later 🙂 and to eat foods I never tried before. This opened new avenues for me and also helped me to stay in love for the long haul. After hitting a stagnant plateau in a relationship it’s easy to start looking elsewhere, you know the thought, “Maybe that bag of Doritos would taste better than my usual…” By introducing new things to your existing relationship you keep it fresh and deter the need to look elsewhere. Try new things, don’t be scared to experiment.

Lesson – Annoying the hell out of… I mean Sharing Your Passion

Another pitfall of new relationships is going too hard too soon. It’s an honest mistake, when you fall in love it is so exciting and invigorating, you want to stand on the highest mountain with arms wide open and scream it to the world… the problem is the world isn’t always ready to hear you. For that reason I’ve learned that it’s important to scale your enthusiasm based on your audience. If someone solicits your advice, you can have a little more animation and include lots of information, but if it is someone who didn’t ask, you have to be careful how much you talk about it. Getting too excited about healthy eating will annoy a lot of people!

What I’ve found to work best is begin on some common ground and ease into the conversation about food from there. I realize you could just avoid talking about food choices altogether, and some people do include diet on the list of “never-talk-abouts” with religion and politics. I disagree though, when something is so life-changing and impactful, it should be shared. To overcome this taboo topic-block I like to let people tell me about their food habits and healthy choices, and then moderate how much I tell them based on that. For example, if my friend tells me she’s proud of herself for avoiding chips for the last two weeks, I talk to her about healthier alternatives to chips such as plantain chips, banana chips, or sweet potato chips. This way we can talk about a healthy diet as honoring your body, not restricting yourself. To stick with a relationship it has to be something you enjoy, not constant hard work.

Lesson – Loving Your Body Inside and Out

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, my love affair with food has also taken me on a journey to loving myself. After getting rid of gluten for performance reasons I learned that I have been suffering from celiac disease my whole life. I didn’t know that it was possible to live without arthritic pain, depression, acne and stomach issues. I truly thought those were just natural human ailments. Since I’ve transitioned to clean eating, I have found a new way to live. Quite literally, my life is better without gluten in it.

As a result of getting healthy, I found that I have more energy which allows me to do more things that make me happy, which leads to satisfaction, which leads to a healthy self-image. Not only am I happy with the “inside” of my body, I am now much more happy with its outside appearance as well. Clean eating leads to a more natural body composition. When you’re body reaches homeostasis through proper nutrition and exercise, it becomes the best version of itself. Everybody has a different make up, but when you feel comfortable in your own skin your beauty shines in a more definitive, self-serving way no matter what the appearance of it is.

One last thing…

True love is the type of love that changes you for the better; a healthy relationship builds you up and lasts through the good times and bad. Developing a healthy relationship with food has helped me to become the person that I am today, one I am happy to share with the world. One that survives the good times and the bad times not only intact, but smiling the whole time.

I hope you can find happiness in your relationship with food too… and that you keep reading what I have to share with the world :).

Advice and Vision Problems

“Don’t sweat the small stuff, focus on the big things like family and your career.”

“Take time to focus on the little things each day and find beauty in everything you see.”

Advice. We’ve all heard it, we’ve all given it. And no matter how verbious, eloquent or original you are, I’m sure you’ve delivered it in cliché terms. All of us are “guilty” of using the above phrases, or some version of them. It seems harmless, in fact our intentions when delivering such advice are often wholesome; we aim to encourage, inspire and uplift the recipients of our borrowed wisdom, but what are we really doing? What the hell does it mean to focus on the big things? And how am I supposed to ignore the small stuff while rejoicing in it at the same time? Advice is so damn confusing…

I fully comprehend that if you focus on the “small stuff” such as spill’t milk, or other unimportant nuances that seem to get your panties in a wad, you will be spending a lot of time being mad. Life has a talent for dealing out ironic and coincidental forms of torture through accidents and mishaps. It seems fitting that if you were to focus on the love of your family, the success of your career, or any other major pillar of your existence such as a hobby or religion, that you would be happier. The theory is that focusing on those important things will give you the power to overcome and ignore all of the little things. I get it, but I don’t buy it. What if all of those little things effect your “big stuff”? What if your spill’t milk leads to an electrical fire that leaves your family homeless? Okay, I guess that’s a little extreme… What if you love your career, but you have a superior with a personal vendetta against you? It would be pretty hard to focus on your family and enjoy your career when your boss did little things to harass you and threaten your livelihood. How could you enjoy the love of your family fully when you are worried about how to support them?

I guess the answer would be to find the beauty in the “small stuff.” Instead of worrying over something you can’t control like your boss’s attitude problem, you could enjoy the ten minutes you spend playing Legos with your child, or taking your dog for a walk, or creating and eating a delicious meal (such as the quick shake I share below J). By focusing on these small things and finding joy in them, you could remain happy even in the face of adversity. So you should focus on the big things while finding beauty and joy in the small things. You should focus on everything?!!???! Wrong! Focus is not the problem or the answer.

Perspective is.

It all comes down to how you view things, not what you are viewing. No matter what is going on in your life, it is important to maintain a positive attitude; look for the good in every situation. This is something way easier said than done. To give perspective on my perspective, let me share a little of my story.

I am a teacher, a high school dropout, the mother of a medically disabled child and transplant recipient, a local women’s motocross champion, and an athlete. My life is full of a lot of big and small things at the ripe age of something-higher-than-I-am-willing-to-admit. When I was pregnant and focused heavily on the prospect of establishing my family, I learned awful news. I found out at my 5 month ultrasound that my son was going to be born with a birth defect that would require surgery. I was devastated, but I never let it get the best of me. I learned everything I could and toured the hospital where he would be staying for awhile after his birth. Instead of focusing on what was wrong, I looked around me and realized that there were children and families dealing with far worse. I remained thankful. That is, until my son was born.

Shortly after his birth, 3 days to be exact, we learned that the worst case scenario was a reality. My son needed a rare transplant to survive. The journey leading up to his transplant was extremely difficult and more than once I was told to think about letting him go, but I never did. I focused on the big things, such as my family, but I did not miss any opportunities to rejoice in the small stuff, such as his first bottle at 3 months old, and his love of laughing and singing. Often as I was going through it, and even now 5 years later, people applaud me for my strength. This has always baffled me, emotional strength is not something I see myself as posessing. I now know why. It wasn’t strength that got me through, but perspective. It was my ability to focus on the positives in both the big and small things that allowed me to push forward relentlessly and without wavering. I realized the power of perspective, not strength, recently while dealing with a much different hardship.

Just under two years ago I became addicted to crossfit (and I don’t use that term lightly – it’s a very healthy addiction of great proportions), in fact I love it so much I could tell you exactly how many hours I’ve spent in the gym since the very day (yes I know that too) I began. After three months participating in crossfit at my local box, and home away from home Dansville Fitness Club, I decided that I wanted to compete. Once I got a taste of competition I was determined to reach the highest level I was humanly capable of achieving. This led to an individualized and intense training program. I had a 9 month window and my plan was complete with phases, macro and micro cycles (thought up by my trainer – he’s a mad genius when it comes to programming). I spent between 12 to 16 hours in the gym a week and even more hours at home training and practicing. I saw many gains and enjoyed every minute of it. There were some setbacks and I didn’t always do as well as I wanted as quickly as I wanted, but I remained thankful and positive. That is, until I broke my wrist.

Just over half way into my training program I was set back so far that I couldn’t even lift weights, let alone what I was lifting on my first day of crossfit. It was a bitch. I apologize for my frankness, but I can’t really think of a more appropriate term. That’s exactly what it was. I was mad at myself and mad at the circumstance, but I wasn’t defeated. I still went to the gym every day and did what I could. My trainer modified everything and I found joy in learning new movements. Though I wasn’t moving massive weight, I would get excited over doing a one-handed lift for the first time, or jump roping with a cast. I focused on the big things outside of the gym like my family, and found joy in all of the little things I could do. As a result, now, 2 months out from my wrist injury (and after a thumb injury and sickness… but that’s another story) I was able to complete my first RX competition and I’m able to snatch just as much weight as I could prior to getting hurt, as well as being only 10-25 pounds shy of some of my other lift PR’s. Life isn’t bad and all is not lost. I have a healthy son and am still a spit-fire athlete.

I believe the reason all is not lost is that I maintained a positive attitude and focused on what I could do in every situation. I loved the big and small things. It was about how I chose to view my situations rather than what part of the situations I chose to view.

So, go forth and find enjoyment in the big and small things… such as this delicious, small snack. It will take you less than ten minutes to make, it’s full of clean foods, and if you’re a food lover like me – you will enjoy every sip of it!

Blueberry Smoothie

Makes one serving

Ingredients

2 Tbs Almond Butter – creamy unsalted

1 raw egg (please note, it is not recommended to consume raw eggs – it can lead to salmonella or other sickness)

1 ripe banana

1 teaspoon cacao powder

½ cup organic frozen blueberries

Enough unsweetened, original flavor almond milk to create the consistency and serving size you would like

Dash of sea salt

1 Tbs roasted, ground flax seed

 

Directions

1. Put all of the ingredients except for flax seed into a blender.
2. Blend them until it creates a homogeneous mixture.
3. Pour it into a cup and sprinkle the flax seed on top.
4. Enjoy the protein, healthy fats and carbs guilt free!

Overcoming Mistakes (and grape pie) with Fall’s Favorite (apple pie)

This week was rough.

I sprained my wrist doing a lift, which led to not being able to tie my shoes, write, get dressed, train in the gym, or really anything. I had trouble adjusting at work, which led to nightly crying, hours of additional prep for my plans, and endless questioning of my choice to leave the High School and teach 2nd Grade. I didn’t get paid, which led to less money for groceries and disappointment over not working my other two jobs due to my wrist injury. Although it was a rough week, I salvaged what I could and tried to remain positive. I went to the gym every other day and focused on what I could do.

Single Arm (good arm 🙂 barbell snatch at 45lbs

I spent the extra time gained from skipping the gym every other day with my son, playing on the playground, building stuff, and reading extra chapters in Where the Red Fern Grows before bed. It was kind of awesome. I even found myself feeling thankful that I was injured and given a “vacation” from my other two jobs (at the cider mill and waitressing). Then I got called in to both of those jobs. And I remembered what my week was like. And I thought about all of the weeks I will be missing due to injury. And I didn’t have anything to cook for dinner. And I didn’t want to go to the store. And, and, and… And I got depressed. I came home from work Friday in tears. I went to the fridge and opened it up. Instead of grabbing my typical snack of hardboiled eggs or an apple, I grabbed a big purple box of deliciousness. My other half brought home a fresh grape pie from Monica’s, one of the best pie maker’s in New York. I grumpily sat down and had a piece knowing I would pay for the sugar and gluten, but not caring at that moment in time. Then the piece turned into two. Then three. Then half of the pie was gone and before I could shove another piece into my mouth, my boyfriend grabbed it and took it away. I was mad. Mad at him. Mad at myself. Mad at my week.

This anger quickly turned to remorse. I felt awful because I not only ate something that could set me back, I did it for a silly reason. I know that eating gluten products makes me ache for days. I also know that sugar makes my stomach upset and leaves me with a hangover. So I decided that I was awful and worthless because of it.

Luckily, I have a lot of supportive friends who protected me from my own thoughts, much like my boyfriend protected me from the rest of the pie. As soon as I shared my remorse, my friends reminded me that it wasn’t the end of the world and that I’m still me, even with half of a grape pie in my belly.

And they were right. Today I woke up and decided that I would eat the way I usually do. I felt a little ill, and my joints ache, but no gluten made it past these lips. In fact, I knew there was still some grape pie waiting in the fridge, so while I was working at the cider mill, I grabbed the most delicious honey crisp apples (seriously, there’s NONE better) and started thinking about how I could create a gluten-free-Paleo-friendly Apple Pie. I even avoided the apple cider donuts (and trust me, those are dangerously delicious). My stomach felt better and I was a little happier. Yet, something was still bothering me. Why did I allow myself to get so upset over eating a grape pie?!!?!??

That’s when it dawned on me, it wasn’t about the pie, and neither is this post. It was about failure. I value hard work, competence and dedication. My wrist injury was interfering with my ability to work, and my dedication to training for Crossfit. I was feeling incompetent and frustrated at my job, and teaching is my passion. I felt like a failure and that grape pie was a purple reminder of everything I couldn’t do. I’ve posted before about my problem with wanting to do everything right all of the time, but this instance takes the cake… or the pie? It is a problem I’ve had for a long time. The good news though is that this time it didn’t consume me.

I consumed the pie and then I picked myself right back up and got back on track. Today I didn’t cry over anything. I worked as much as I could with an injury. I ate clean. I even created a delicious retort to the grape pie. Here it is to share with you. A full blown Paleo Apple Pie with a crust that supports the delicious ingredients to boot! Enjoy!

Paleo Apple Crisp Pie

Makes one small pie

Crust Ingredients

1 cup gluten free oats

2 egg whites

1 Tbs cinnamon

dash of sea salt

1/2 cup of melted coconut oil

Pie Filling Ingredients

4 small (3 medium/large) apples – go for sweet and crisp so you don’t have to add

sugar, I prefer Honey Crisp

1 1/2 Tbs Cinnamon

1/4 tsp allspice

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1 Tbs Agave nectar

dash of sea salt

Crumble Topping Ingredients

1/2 cup almond flour

1/2 cup chopped pecans

1/4 cup gluten free oats

2 tsp cinnamon

1 1/2 Tbs cane sugar

1 tsp pure cacao powder

2/3 cup ghee

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Mix the oats, egg whites, cinnamon and salt together in a bowl while you melt the coconut oil in the microwave. Then mix in the melted coconut oil.
3. Press the crust mixture into a small pie dish using a spoon. Make sure the bottom and sides are solid with no gaps.
4. Bake the crust for 15 minutes.
5. While the crust is baking, mix together the pie filling ingredients: apples, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, salt and agave. ***You can do this step earlier in the day or the night before to get more flavor out of your apples. It still tastes super delicious if you don’t let it sit though :).
6. While the crust cools, you can also make the topping. Mix together all of the dry ingredients: almond flour, pecans, oats, cinnamon, cane sugar, and cacao powder. After it is evenly mixed, press the ghee in with two forks until it makes a crumbly mixture.
7. Fill the crust with the pie filling/apple mixture.
8. Sprinkle your crumbly topping on the pie. Gently press it down until the pie is evenly, and entirely coated. I use the pads of my fingertips to gently press it down.
9. Bake for about 40 minutes, or until the topping is brown and the juices are bubbling.
10. Enjoy the smell of your home and the taste of Fall with no guilt!

I almost have to laugh now looking back on it, as if a grape pie could change anything.

The Heat of the Moment

Sweat is pouring down your face and you can barely see as you grab the kettlebell and dip down into a deep squat, preparing yourself for another round of swings. You can’t see with your eyes due to lack of oxygen and excessive perspiration, but every muscle in your body is acutely aware of what’s going on, of the position of your legs as your thighs burn with the tension, of the weight in your hands pulling your arms towards the floor, of the fire in your lungs. You take a deep breath and ready yourself to go and you hear your trainer’s voice, “Six more minutes!” A death call through the loud bass and beating of your heart. Just when you thought you were prepared to tackle the task at hand, doubt sets in, “Six more minutes?!??!” With six minutes to go you decide that a few more breaths won’t hurt, surely everyone is feeling the pain. Surely everyone is taking a breather, a sip of water, a break.

(This is my sweaty, legs burning I don’t want to do it face –  max reps 125lb deadlift immediately after finishing a 5k with obstacles in 23 minutes. The outfit… I don’t want to talk about that really).

This scenario is all too familiar in the Crossfit world. It’s what we look forward to. The pain of a workout tends to blur out the pain of the day to day struggles. It is reasonable to take breaks and give our bodies time to recover in a workout. But what if I were to tell you that this thought process is counterproductive? That it is the root of most of our problems, not just in the gym, but in the world in general…

Think of it this way. If the workout stood for a stressful situation, or a problem in life such as unpaid bills, or relationship issues, taking a break in such a way could be detrimental. Say for instance, you and your significant other are fighting, and you planned on walking away from the situation to calm down and then coming back to talk about it, but in the heat of the fight you realized it was a bigger deal than you originally thought. So, instead of just walking away to cool off and coming back, you decide that you need longer. You need a couple of days to think it over. In the meantime, the problem gets worse. By not communicating and dealing with it head on, you have set yourself back. You have done nothing to improve the situation. In fact, you have done nothing but maintained the problem in the best case, and made it larger in the worst case.

So what should you do? How should you deal with the struggle of a workout or the struggle of life? What the hell are you supposed to do if you can’t take a break, go forward like a bulldozer or some other type of relentless machine? No.

You should have a strategy (I don’t say plan because I have a problem with planning, see this earlier post for my thoughts on how destructive plans can be). Instead of reacting to situations, you should be proactive. Think about how you will deal with problems before they arise so that in the heat of the moment you are prepared and focused. When your brain is malfunctioning due to lack of oxygen and your body isn’t cooperating due to pain and fatigue – whether it be from an intense workout like the beginning scenario, or a stressful, crippling life situation, a predetermined strategy will work like auto pilot to get you through it.

What if you stepped into the gym, looked at the workout and saw that it was a 15 minute, as many rounds as possible, grueling workout with heavy kettlebell swings and all sorts of other methods of torture, and came up with a strategy? What if you said, “This is going to suck but it will be over in 15 minutes. I will allow myself two deep breaths when I’m feeling hopeless. Two breaths will be sufficient. No matter how tired I am, I will not take three or four breaths, I will take two. Even if I need two breaths between each rep or each round.”

What would happen is you would complete the workout more efficiently because you would be poised. You wouldn’t feel let down by your own actions, but empowered because you struggled through it methodically. You would also more than likely find that you completed more rounds than you would have if you had paused “as needed.” The problem with taking as many breaths or breaks as you feel is necessary at the time is that when things suck, it will never be enough. When a workout, or life gets you down, it is hard to be optimistic and fight your way through it. It is much easier to feel down. To feel like you deserve a break. To feel like you want to give up. When the kettlebell is in your hands and you see that there’s still a long way to go before you’re done, but your body is past being “done” your brain assuages to pain and finds ways to give up and avoid the impending torture. The same goes for stress. When it becomes too much and it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it is easier to run a way completely, to give up and to avoid the situation, but this doesn’t fix or solve anything.

Instead, when faced with a stressful situation what if you employed a strategy. What if you told yourself, “This sucks. This is going to suck for awhile. I am allowed to be sad, but only for a day, or a phone call to my mom/best friend/significant other. After that I am going to move on. I am going to do what is in my power to improve my situation and get through it.” So if my problem was a fight with my significant other, and I was extremely upset, I could use the same strategy. I could walk away from the situation, take two deep breaths and come back honest and ready to tackle it. I could discuss my frustration and move on. I could tackle my problem in the moment, without letting the moment get the best of me.

This type of strategy works for food too! I like to cook meals strategically with the big picture in mind. This allows me to stay on track with my eating habits and save time and energy when it comes to meal prep. Here’s a strategic meal plan that can leave you with dinner, breakfast and lunch with little effort. Enjoy!

Two-For Taters

Makes approximately 4 servings of dinner and six servings of breakfast/lunch.

Ingredients

4 Sweet Potatoes

1lb Grass Fed Ground beef

1 scallion

1/2 bell pepper (I prefer orange, but any color works)

1 can (160z) organic diced tomatoes

1 teaspoon crushed red pepper

1/4 teaspoon curry powder

1 teaspoon chili powder

1 teaspoon oregano

1/2 Tbs garlic clove minced

2 Tbs Extra Virgin Olive Oil

3Tbs shredded carrots

Coconut Oil

4 eggs

pepper

garlic or sea salt

Dinner Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
2. Wash the potatoes and bake them for 50 minutes (to save time you could boil them – I don’t like to because they tend to get too mushy for my liking).
3. While the potatoes are cooking, heat up the olive oil and sauté the garlic,  crushed red pepper, and scallions. Remove them from the pan and set them aside. Do not drain the pan.
4. Brown the beef in the pan. Just before it is done, add the shredded carrots (for moisture due to the occasional toughness of grass fed meat), the curry powder, chili powder, oregano, and the sauté mixture.
5. Take the potatoes out of the oven and cut them in half. Scoop out the centers (save what you remove, you need it for part two!) leaving approximately 1/4 inch around the edges of each side.
6. Fill the potatoes with the mixture * There will be a lot leftover.
7. Bake the stuffed potatoes at 400 degrees for about 10-15 minutes.
8. Remove them from the oven and put a thin layer of diced tomatoes on top before serving.

***I prepare breakfast while my potatoes are cooking so I can just put it in the oven in the morning.

Breakfast/Lunch Directions

1. Cut up the scooped out insides of the sweet potatoes into small squares.
2. Mix the leftover meat-sauté mixture with the potatoes and the rest of the diced tomatoes.
3. Grease a casserole dish with coconut oil.
4. Put the potato, meat, sauté, tomato mixture in the casserole dish evenly.
5. Beat 4 eggs in a separate bowl and add pepper and sea/garlic salt to taste.
6. Pour the eggs over the mixture and allow it to settle.
7. Bake at 350 degrees until the eggs are cooked through. ***I like to do steps 1-6 and then cover the dish until the next morning so breakfast is fresh and warm.

Perfect Prison

“The thing about olympic lifting is that if you do a lift five times, only two or three of them will be good,” a simple statement mentioned in a casual conversation. After it was said and acknowledged, the tide of the conversation flowed naturally onto other equally as casual and non-chalant topics such as electric four wheelers, kids dressed in tape like mummies, and the usual sort. Yet, as inconsequential as it seemed at the time, this sentence has saved me from myself time and time again. How? Well, that answer will take some explaining.

First off it is important to note who said it. I was listening between sets as my trainer was talking with a fellow trainer at our gym about random topics when it was overheard. It stuck with me because I very rarely, if ever, see him struggle at anything. Though he is very honest and open about his own athletic weaknesses and the years upon years it has taken him to get where he is, weakness is something I’ve never actually observed; I’ve only ever heard about it. When he demonstrates good form for us during our training sessions, that’s what we see – good form. My first thought hearing this was, “Hmmm. That’s interesting. I never would have guessed that.” In the moment I realized it was somewhat significant, but it wasn’t until much later that I realized the true impact such a simple, obvious statement could have.

Over time I have begun to look closer and what I’ve observed is that my trainer does struggle when he works at his level. During our classes he is the leader and spends his time modeling good technique, observing us, and coaching us to our own personal better-selves. When he does a workout in its full form, or stays late to work on his own training, however, he struggles just like we do. At first this realization was shocking. I originally only saw perfection, and though I heard time and again that it wasn’t always the case, it took witnessing it first hand to sink in. Why? For two reasons I suppose.

One, because you only truly believe what you see and experience, not what you hear. I had to witness the truth of the fact that everyone, even talented individuals, struggle. This is profound for any athlete. It is encouraging to know that everyone has something to work on. To know that just because you fail at something, it doesn’t mean that you’re not awesome, or that you won’t get better at it eventually. Even the best happen to fail 2 or 3 times out of five, or in other terms forty to sixty percent of the time.

Two, I have somewhat of a problem. I am a “perfectionist” (please note, I am not saying I’m perfect, in fact my problem with being a perfectionist is that I feel far from perfect at all times because it is impossible to achieve – see reason number one for more on that). I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist in all areas of life, so if I were to get second place at a huge motocross race, or an A- in a class, I would feel worthless and dumb. No matter how huge my success was in the big picture, if I wasn’t “the best” it didn’t count to me. It wouldn’t matter if my second place was in a pool of the east coast’s best riders, or if the A- was achieved in an advanced course.  I spent many years, probably around 23, feeling inadequate and inferior because of the way I am programmed to think. What I’ve come to realize through crossfit, and the guidance of my trainer though, is that it isn’t about being “the best”, but about being “the best version of yourself”. Yet when I try in the gym, even to improve myself, and I find that I’m struggling with the same skills and techniques day after day, week after week,  I still get discouraged.

That’s how this simple statement has come back to enlighten me. The plain and obvious truth of it has simplified my life. Has simplified the process of my thinking. Since, “The thing about Olympic lifting is that if you do a lift five times, only two or three of them will be good,” is a static fact, it gives me the liberty to fail 40-60% of the time. It allows me to be okay with imperfection; to realize that imperfection is natural; to know that there are other people dropping F-bombs at gyms across the world because they are imperfect just like me.

This new way of thinking has translated to many areas of my life. I don’t stomp my feet or droop my shoulders when I miss a lift that was once easy for me at the gym, and I no longer live in a state of comparison and self-loathing. I appreciate what I can do and respect others for their personal growth. Now, if I find myself placing second in a moto at a race, instead of being angry with what I didn’t do, I focus on what I did right and make a plan for what I can specifically improve next time. I chalk it up to that 40-60 percent and call it good. It has been eye-opening and life changing. If I am no longer filled with anxiety over new things because of my fear of failure, instead I am learning to embrace failure, to accept it as a natural part of life and an opportunity for growth. I’m learning… still have a long way to go!

Who knew I would find freedom in the simple facts of barbell physics?

To match my plea for everyone to give up their desire to be perfect, here is an IMperfect recipe:

Post-Workout-Goodness

Ingredients

Gluten free oats

Unsweetened Almond Butter

Fresh Blueberries (or other seasonal, *juicy fruit)

Directions

-Mix the oats and almond butter together and microwave them for about 20 seconds (almond butter burns easy!). There aren’t measurements because I just toss it in and mix it up depending on my mood. The oats provide carbs for sustained fuel so I can get up and run the morning after a big workout and the almond butter restores my energy by giving me fat to burn the rest of the day.

-Add the blueberries, or other fruit. It’s important that you choose a juicy fruit because oats and almond butter is a super dry mixture. The cold juicy fruit is an excellent contrast. If it’s still too pasty and/or dry for your liking, add some almond milk.

-Enjoy!

Plans (Are) For Disaster

I’m going to keep this short because my puppy is attacking me and making this super difficult (and adorable).

Today I woke up with all sorts of plans. I planned to make yummy eggs for  breakfast; I planned to go to the gym nice and early; I planned to work hard at my Regional Crossfit goal for next year while at the gym; I planned to pack up my house and get ready to move. Yet, I didn’t do many of these things. In fact I only sort of did them all, and then I felt like a big giant loser. This is the problem with planning. Planning leads to disaster. I’m not saying people shouldn’t make plans, because living life with no focus is a plan for disaster as well. What I mean is that goals drive people and plans imprison them.

Take that adorable puppy above for example, he was not planned. I planned on getting a puppy when I moved into my new house, but he was 8 weeks old and ready to go three weeks before my scheduled plan. I couldn’t control his birth and my move in date, so I got him anyway. It is a good thing I did too, because he was house broke within three days, and I believe another three weeks in his outdoor home would have ingrained habits in him that would’ve been hard to retrain. In that example I never felt guilty or worthless for breaking my plans, and I can even bring myself to stay positive and look to the silver lining.

Yet often times I find that deviating from my myriad plans derails me. It makes me feel incompetent. When I make plans and don’t follow through, or circumstance prevents me from sticking to them, I get upset. My plans imprison me. I have always been told to relax, or to be a little more spontaneous, but I don’t like life without visions. I don’t like “winging it” on a camping trip and then realizing I forgot a bunch of stuff. So I’ve never really taken any of that advice seriously. Then today I had an epiphany, one that I hope will lead me to letting go of my plans and thinking about future endeavors in a different way.

Of my list of things I planned to do today, the only one I did stick to was working hard at the gym so that I can make it to the Northeast Crossfit Regionals, though I got to the gym late after eating a breakfast that did not include yummy eggs. I did my 2 hour traiing session and was psyched to see that my chest-to-bar pullups are improving and that I was able to backsquat my body weight for 20 unbroken reps. When I got home I was excited about what a year of training is going to do for me, and looked at the results from the Open, the Regional workouts, the current Crossfit games Leaderboard, and the rulebook to make plans. The more I looked and compared myself to the athletes, the less encouraged I felt. It seemed as if being in the top 60 out of over 2,000 athlete in the Open to make it to the Regional was pretty impossible for a girl like me. Then I started reading about advancing from the Regional. I don’t see myself as ever being one of the top two in the region, so why put all of this effort into training when I’ll never be the best? My plans forced me to crumble. I didn’t look to the positive. I forgot about living in the moment. When I’m at the gym I love every sweaty minute of it. When I started crossfit almost a year ago, I didn’t care about the Open or Regionals. I was happy to bang bars and toss weights in the air. Just this morning I was thrilled to put 100 pounds overhead as part of the process to reach my goal. Yet, when I went home and started planning, my enthusiasm went down the drain. What I’m starting to think is that goals drive and motivate people, they give focus to life and to a person’s endeavors. Plans on the other hand, imprison people. They are too rigid and leave little room for flexibility.

Experiencing and appreciating the process to reaching a goal leads to living in each moment as it is spent. A wonderful illustration of this concept can be found in my un-planned breakfast this morning. I woke up planning to make eggs, but saw we only had two bananas left and decided they’d be perfect for banana pancakes. Instead of following someone else’s plan, I created my own. The result was one of my best breakfast creations to date. Here is my recipe to share with you 🙂 I hope you enjoy it and are able to enjoy the day to day moments of your lives without being bogged down in plans made, and plans unreached.

Banana Pancakes ~ Paleo Style

Makes approximately 3 servings

Pancake Ingredients

2 bananas

2 eggs

1/2 cup almond flour

1/4 cup coconut flour

1/2 cup coconut milk

2 Tbs almond butter

sprinkle of cocoa powder

Coconut oil for frying

Topping Ingredients

Strawberries

Maple Syrup                                Sorry… I didn’t measure the topping portions!

Gluten-free oats

Directions

1. Mix the pancake ingredients. The coconut flour and coconut milk makes these pancakes creamier than your typical paleo pancake, but not quite as liquidy as a traditional pancake.
2. Heat a skillet or pan and put in enough coconut oil to fry your pancakes. Pan sizes vary, so the amount of coconut oil does too, but it’s important to remember the other term for pancakes is fry cakes. You want to fry them to help them stick together. I make small pancakes and spread them out after I drop them into the pan. They don’t naturally spread like traditional pancakes since they’re so thick.
3. Cook/fry your pancakes in the coconut oil. Keep them on the small side.
4. While you’re frying them up and dodging the popping coconut oil, make your delicious topping. Put the ingredients together in the amount you desire and then heat them up in the microwave.
5. Serve the pancakes with the topping.

That’s what I’m talking ’bout!

Typical conversation:

Me: I don’t eat wheat.

“Normal” Person: What? I could never do that! I love bread.

If I had a penny every time I heard that, I’d have a shit load of pennies… and I would use every one of them to pay off all of my wheat eating friends so that they would eliminate it from their diets too. Wheat is evil – no seriously, no melodrama here, it really is evil. I learned this as a result of my desire to be competitively strong. I eliminated gluten from my diet for performance reasons, but the more I experience and the more research I read, the more I realize the devastating effects this grain has on the human body. Lethargy, fatigue, stomach pains, intestinal issues, bloating, aching joints, and feeling “slow”. These are the mild side effects I’ve experienced, and likewise freedom from gluten has alleviated all of them. The real deal comes with the more serious symptoms I suffered from when gluten was a regular part of my diet and find myself free of now: exercise induced asthma, hyperglycemia, acne, and irreversible weight gain. Though, despite how many articles I read about the science behind all of this, no matter how much I’ve witnessed first hand, living in the society we do has me questioning it every now and then still, in little ways like, “it can’t really be that serious can it?” Wheat is everywhere. Literally every aisle in the super market contains gluten laden products (well unless you shop somewhere cool like Wegmans, in which case you will find one gluten free aisle in the masses). Anyways, tonight I picked up a book I borrowed from my cousin and it was like I was reading a page out of my life – it is full of all the information I find myself re-iterating, and it is written well too – which is a bonus. Even the chapter titles give away the author’s quirky writing technique: “Not Your Grandma’s Muffins: The Creation of Modern Wheat”, “Hey, Man, Wanna Buy Some Exorphins? The Addictive Properties of Wheat”, and “Your Wheat Belly is Showing: The Wheat/Obesity Connection” are just a few of the chapters included in this great book: Wheat Belly by William Davis, M.D. I highly recommend it, even though I haven’t actually read the whole thing yet… but when I do I will give my true opinion of the whole thing. It would be super awesome if someone else found a copy and read it too so we could talk about it…

Anyways my abhorrence of the evil master grain led me to opening my computer and typing a post to inform you, and give you options. If you’re thinking, no wheat? What the hell is for dinner then? I have an answer for you. A delicious, sweet and simple recipe for you to enjoy.

Dessert Style Squash

Makes approximately 4 servings *I only eat half of my half and save the rest when it is paired with a hearty dinner, otherwise if it’s the main dish, this is only a two serving portion.

Ingredients

1 acorn squash

1/4 cup agave

3 tsp cinnamon

1 apple (medium size – go for a flavorful crisp apple, avoid anything too soft like Red Delicious, or pie apples like Crispins, my favorite is honey-crisp)

1/4 cup crushed pecans

Sprinkle of sea salt

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. If you’re a beast, or you live with a beast, grab a big ‘ole knife and chop your acorn squash in half. These halves have to sit in a pan without wobbling too much, so I cut with the stem in the middle, not with the stem on one half and the bottom on the other. If there are no beasts around, you can cook the squash whole for 45 minutes to soften it and then cut it in half and skip to step 4 – this takes more time.
3. Place the two halves in a casserole dish with the insides facing down. Fill the pan with about a 1 1/4inch of water. Cook for 30 minutes.
4. While the squash is in phase one of cooking, make the filling using the additional ingredients.
5. Remove squash halves from the oven and drain the water. Flip them over and fill them with the stuffing.
6. Cook the stuffed squash for 30-45 minutes, until the squash is tender and soft.
7. Enjoy eating your delicious sweet treat! And if you have restraint along with enough other dishes in your meal to save some, I highly recommend it. This tastes A-MA-ZING cold the next day :).

Time to Eat… Again?!??!

I eat more than you want to know. I eat more than most people I know. I eat so much, my man likes to tell people, “feeding her is a full time job.” And it is, but it’s a job I love. As much as I love eating, and talking about eating, and trying new things to eat, and as often as I eat,  I am still amazed by it. How can someone who looks like me eat like a hippopotamus (and I mean the literal animal in this reference, you should see me mow down a plate of good paleo food!)?

We both prefer natural, whole foods and large portions of vegetables 🙂

Just to re-iterate the fact that I eat A LOT, here’s an example of my daily food schedule:

5:00 coffee

6:00 breakfast

7:30 second, lighter breakfast

9:00 snack

11:00 lunch

1:00 snack

3:00 second, light lunch

4/5:00 pre-dinner snack

6:00 snack on whatever I’m making while cooking dinner (I always need extra)

6:3o/7:30 dinner

8:00 snack

9:00 snack

It kind of seems like I’m kidding when I write it down, but in all honesty – I EAT THAT MUCH. I don’t eat until I’m gorged and full, but until my body is satisfied. That has been a huge shift for me. A year ago, before I transitioned to a Paleo lifestyle, I would eat less often, but eat until I was full. Back then instead of saying feeding me was a job, my man would say, “my girl eats like a man and looks like a lady.”  I would still eat the same amount in a day, but it was crammed into three or four sittings. The food wasn’t whole or natural, and I was always feeling lethargic and bloated. Luckily, (thank god and my parents) I never gained the weight I should have with my habits. Seriously, I should weigh as much as I deadlift (215), but in reality I’m weighing in at 60% of that.

Now I’m not saying eat like you have a tapeworm and you’ll get abs. There are a lot of factors to developing your physique. What I’m saying is, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. When you remove the confusion chemicals and overly processed foods create in your body, it begins to speak to you. You will crave the types and amounts of foods that you need to fuel it properly. Trust me it works.

And since this post is about food…. MMMM food….

Well, here it is. After eating my post dinner snacks (celery with almond butter and organic raisins for round one, and organic frozen date paste rolled in unsweetened coconut for round two) I can’t stop thinking about breakfast in the a.m. So here it is, my favorite breakfast recipe. I will share my version of Paleo pancakes and post a link to my favorite recipe for banana pancakes.

Paleo Pumpkin Pancakes with Pecan-Apple Topping

Makes approximately 3 servings

Pancake Ingredients

1 cup almond flour

1/4 cup organic pumpkin puree

1/3 cup coconut milk *add in increments, you might use just a tad less

1 Tbs Agave

sprinkle of cocoa powder

cinnamon to taste * I pile it on

2 eggs *separate the yolk and egg when adding them to the mix

small dash of vanilla

Coconut oil

 

Topping Ingredients

1/2 cup crushed pecans

1 medium/large apple cut into small pieces

Agave or locally harvested, all natural maple syrup

Cinnamon

 

Directions

1. Mix the pancake ingredients. These aren’t flour pancakes. The mix will appear a little lumpy and dry compared to what “traditional” pancakes look like; that’s okay. If it is too dry, use the entire 1/3 cup of coconut milk.
2. Heat a skillet or pan and put in enough coconut oil to fry your pancakes. Pan sizes vary, so the amount of coconut oil does too, but it’s important to remember the other term for pancakes is fry cakes. You want to fry these suckers to help them hold together since they aren’t as easy to work with as traditional, grain based mixes.
3. Cook/fry your pancakes in the coconut oil. Keep them on the small side.
4. While you’re frying them up and dodging the popping coconut oil, make your delicious topping. I didn’t put an amount for the agave or maple syrup because it depends on how you like your topping to be. I will caution you on the cinnamon here though (weird because I’m a cinnamon monster and can’t get enough of it) because the pumpkin, apple and pecan flavors complement each other very nicely – you don’t want to drown any of them out.
5. Serve the pancakes with the topping and enjoy them. Don’t bother saving left overs, these are too good to pass up!

Now, if you’re not interested in these flavors, or if you want to try something new, here’s my favorite banana pancake recipe. Nobody else in my house likes them (which makes me think they are all aliens!) so I haven’t been able to mess around and create my own version, but you better believe I will post it when I do!

http://fastpaleo.com/recipe/everyday-pancakes/